Brock and I lived in neighboring towns with rivaling high schools all throughout junior high and high school. Actually, I dated Brock's nextdoor neighbor off and on for my last few years of high school before he went on his mission. A few of my friends had "gone out" with this Brock Bagwell guy in jr. high (where you never go anywhere or speak to each other besides an occasional phone calls), but I didn't even really know what he looked like. In the meantime, we all grew up- physically at least. I went to college, some boys my age went on missions, and I just had fun hanging out with guys at school. I never really liked them enough to have a serious relationship, and I have always been the type to not waste a guy's time. If I couldn’t see a future, I would often not even go on that first date. I began to fear that maybe I had commitment issues or was incapable of falling in love!
So one wintry day near Christmas, my cousin's wife, who was also kind of a friend, comes up to me and says "Would you go on a date with my brother?" Kind of a funny question in my mind. I had had no trouble having guys ask me out. Was this guy too chicken to ask me out himself or what was the deal here? So surprisingly I said " Uh, sure!...So who is he or what’s the deal?" Kim swiftly explained that he was on a mission in San Jose, CA but would be home in a few weeks and he had asked her to find a cute girl for him when he got home. Flattered, I agreed and didn't really think about it much beyond that…until I received a phone call from him. We went bowling on our blind date and I had a lot of fun but... no fireworks. I wasn't really even attracted to him, but I admitted it was the most fun and casual first date I had had, so we dated more and developed almost more of a friendship. We were so weird about the way we talked about things. We discussed hand-holding and kissing long before we ever did those things. The first night we held hands... it just felt good. It felt right. No awkwardness. I was beginning to think that I could seriously have a future with this guy, and we were still a few weeks away from kissing!! Our first kiss was literally magical. The events leading up to it were less than romantic to say the least but when our lips touched it was nearly electrical. Okay I'm really not a mushy person AT ALL, and our second kiss was nothing to write home about, but I knew from that first kiss that it was the beginning of the end. I was done for. I had made lists of the ridiculous qualities I wanted in a husband and Brock had like two of those things. Yet I was falling for him anyway!
We dated about 6 months before getting married in the Albuquerque temple. Things were up and down with us for a while. We are both incredibly stubborn!! We bought a very modest home, I finished school and we were just adjusting to married life and scraping a little to keep our bills paid. We went through some tough times, especially with his family. The loss of a beloved grandma and his 16 year-old sister, Kristi, took a pretty serious toll on the family. Additionally, we had been trying to start a family for about a year with no success. On the day of Kristi's funeral we received the call from Brock's doctor of our inability to have children- not a great day for us. Without getting into my thoughts and emotions too much so I'm not accused of being legally insane, I will say that it was absolutely heart-wrenching and my very soul ached. Times like Christmas and other get-togethers that are typically joyous occasions became incredibly painful. Constantly receiving well-intended but often ignorant and hurtful comments from friends, family members and just people in our lives didn't help our situation much either. At home, I would try to practice the art of not bursting into tears when someone mentioned anything about babies, pregnancies, etc. Poor Brock. It has not been easy for him either. He has done his best to keep me comforted throughout all this while dealing with the same frustrations himself.
We decided to explore our options a little and obviously adoption had already crossed our minds. As a little girl who assumed I would have a large family, I had decided that adopting was pretty cool and was something I could see myself doing. We looked at adopting couples' profiles, talked it over and just really began to feel strongly about it. We got the application process rolling and in the past two years have really begun to let go of some of the thoughts, frustrations and pain associated with infertility. Thank goodness for the Atonement! We know many prayers have been sent our way, and it has helped immensely. Nothing about our situation or surroundings has changed, except us. It is also comforting to know that we aren’t the only ones in this situation. We completed our training hours in Aurora and met several other couples in our situation. It was so awesome to know that we are not alone in this. The longer we have gone through this process, the more people we meet or stories we hear about people whose lives have been touched through some adoption story. We both want an adoption to happen soon and are so anxious about it we just cannot wait! It has been a long road to get to where we are, but it feels so good now. Our marriage is stronger than it’s ever been and we have an awesome support system all around us. We know that we are supposed to adopt, and look forward to the day that this miraculous event happens.
